


The Exact Opposite of a Soundtrack by Taylor Swift and Adele

by inlovewithnight



Category: Actor RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-24
Updated: 2013-01-24
Packaged: 2017-11-26 16:59:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/652462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inlovewithnight/pseuds/inlovewithnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after the 2013 Golden Globes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Exact Opposite of a Soundtrack by Taylor Swift and Adele

They did not go home with Jodie Foster.

They didn't go home at all, of course; Tina had a hotel suite that could've housed everyone they actually liked from their respective TV casts and had room for their kids and husbands, ex and otherwise.

"I maintain that Jodie would've taken us up on it if we asked," Tina said as she unzipped her dress. "She was totally giving me the eye."

"Don't flatter yourself," Amy said, dragging her fingers through her hair to break the hairspray. "She would take you for a roll in the hay, but the look she gave me-- that was a promise of commitment."

"You should go for it. Not every lady can bag a Jodie Foster."

"And yet I came back with you instead." Amy looked around the room. "Clairol money is good to you, Fey."

"I know. I'm not just going to fix my kids' teeth. I can buy them entirely new faces."

"Just take a belt sander to that jawline and start over."

"Truly the greatest gift I can give as a mother." Tina rubbed the back of her neck. "Come take these pins out of my hair."

Amy sat down on the edge of the bed and Tina knelt in front of her, bowing her head so Amy could dig her fingers into the updo that Tina ended the show with.

"Next time just do wigs." Amy kissed the top of her head. "Easier for everybody."

"Next time." Tina giggled. "Oh man, you know who we should've sent home with Jodie Foster?"

"I like how you've apparently decided we're in charge of her love life."

"She should be so lucky. No. But listen. Wait, forget real life, it should be a movie. I'll write it and pitch it to them."

"Go back and finish a thought, lady."

Tina held out her hands dramatically. "Jodie and Taylor Swift."

Amy nodded. "Older woman guides the naive young thing into lesbianism and love."

"I can play the quirky neighbor. We promise Taylor half the soundtrack and she'll be in."

"You'll get a dozen indie film awards."

"Secretly what we all want." Tina shook her head experimentally, checking that all the pins are gone. "Thanks."

"I'll always take care of you, T. Poor helpless thing that you are." Amy lay back on the bed and looked up at the ceiling. "Come cuddle me."

"You're merciless." Tina stood and went to her bag, digging for a T-shirt. "Take your dress off before you wreck it."

"You're such a mom."

"This is less that and more wrangling Alec and Tracy for too long."

"Well, you're almost done."

"And then I never have to speak to them again."

"And you can write a really mean memoir in ten years."

"I'm super excited about that." Tina flopped down on the bed next to her. "I will be so mean."

"You give good bitch."

"Aww, so do you, honey." Tina shifted and Amy rolled into her, resting her head on Tina's chest. "You're my favorite bitchy lady."

"Will you edit the parts of my memoirs where I'm bitchy about Rob?"

"Of course."

"And take out the mean stuff about Will? For the kid."

"Nope. Your real editor can do that. I'm on your side, it's in my bff contract."

"Good point." Amy sighed against her chest. "We pretty much kicked ass tonight."

"Yep."

"And Lena Dunham can bite me."

"Yep. Bite me right on the tit."

Amy turned her head and bit Tina's breast through her T-shirt. "That's my gig, don't go giving it to the HBO brat."

"Ow. And okay. And do that again."

Amy rolled her eyes and grinned, sitting up on her knees. "You are so predictable."

"Sorry you figured out my major erogenous zone like fifteen years ago."

"Your husband still hasn't found it, has he?"

"He tries very hard. C'mon, bite me already, we've got a hotel room and everything and I'm way too lazy for actual seduction."

"Whiny." Amy tugged the neck of Tina's T-shirt down to bare her skin before biting again. Tina sucked air in through her teeth, pressing herself down against the bed.

"Pretty," Amy said, kissing the mark. "You're pretty, T."

"And you're a vicious little rodent person."

Amy smacked her on the hip. "Mean."

"You latch on like a sewer rat."

"Oh my god and you expect me to have sex with you."

"An attractive sewer rat in a very nice dress."

"I should kick you out."

"It's my room!"

"I should call you a small bitey animal too."

"Because I've never heard that before." Tina ran her fingers through Amy's hair and then cupped her cheek. "You are my favorite sewer rat, and I would rather be here with you than anybody else in Hollywood."

Amy blinked at her. "Even George Clooney."

"Yes."

"Even Channing Tatum."

"That's gross. Never speak to me again."

Amy put her hand up under Tina's T-shirt and squeezed her unbitten breast. "I know you have Magic Mike on your laptop."

"For Matt Bomer, not that freakish pile of man-meat."

"Sure, uh-huh." Amy squeezed again. "I believe you."

Tina rolled her eyes and grabbed Amy's chin, holding her still for a kiss. "You are a brat and I love you."

"I love you too." Amy nuzzled her mouth. "This would be a lot more pornlike and easy to sell on the internet if you were still wearing your dress."

"You are really dedicated to ruining this moment."

Amy pushed the hem of Tina's T-shirt up to her waist and snapped the elastic of her panties against her hip. "Still ruining?"

"Getting better. I'll allow it."

"Oh, thanks so much." Amy kissed her stomach just above her waistband. "Generous."

"Shut upppp, Poehler, oh my god." Tina smacked her hand down on the mattress in frustration and Amy laughed, tugging the panties down out of her way.

Tina was squirmy and noisy and demanding, her legs all over the place and her hands grabbing at Amy's hair, the sweat on her palms making a paste with the remains of the hairspray. Amy wouldn't know what to do with her if she was anything else. Loud and dramatic and as likely to kick as to kiss: that's Tina.

For that matter, that's Amy. She bit the inside of Tina's thigh and the tight line of her hamstring at her groin, laughing against Tina's skin at how it made her curse and jump. Tina grabbed at Amy's hair, tugging like she was giving a warning. Amy hadn't been afraid of that for about a million years. It was just another improv cue.

Tina didn't like licking so much as sucking, scraping teeth and long slow thrusts of tongue in patterns that Amy made up anew every time. Tina also kicked when she came, which Amy _forgot_ anew every time.

"Ow," she said, glaring up Tina's body. "Why can you not _not_ do that?"

"It's not on purpose." Tina shifted on her back, swiping her hand between her legs either for one last shock of sensation or to clean up the wetness. Who knew, with her. "As I've explained to you fifty-nine billionty times."

"I still don't believe you kick Jeff like that."

"I think I actually kick him harder. And sometimes right in the junk, which he takes very personally." She brushed her hair off her forehead and gave Amy a wide-eyed look. "So are you going to come up here, or are you going to do it yourself, or are you just not in the mood, or... what?"

"You're about as romantic as a brick."

"A sexy as hell brick."

"You're about as romantic as Alec. After a bender."

"And the mood is... ruined." Tina flopped back on the bed. "Afterglow is gone. Baldwin's sweaty face has invaded my brain."

"So I'm out of luck, then."

"You did it to yourself."

Amy crawled up the bed and sat next to her, dragging her skirt up to her waist. "What if I ask nicely, and buy you coffee tomorrow?"

Tina eyed her. "And?"

"You are so fucking greedy."

"It's called being a tough negotiator, baby."

Amy sighed. "Fine. And a muffin."

Tina grinned and rolled over, sticking her hand up Amy's skirt. "Deal."

"You are an acceptable substitute for Jodie, T."

"Aw, shucks."

"Love you more than anyone in that place tonight."

Tina grinned again and kissed her throat. "Oh, me too. Except maybe Clinton."

Amy shuddered as Tina curved her fingers, then sternly gathered herself for a punchline. "He would've made you do the Palin bit."

Tina made a face and kissed her again. "Ugh. Good point."

"I'll let you be yourself." She waited for Tina to look up again. "Unless you want to be Kristen Stewart."

" _Edward_ ," Tina moaned immediately, because they were a team, and they both collapsed giggling to the sheets.


End file.
